Redundancy Ball

Having been involved in a national restructuring process recently, I can confirm that all notions of fairness, humanity, logic and objectivity are dropped like a wet shit from the outset.

They are quickly replaced by self-interest, mate-protecting nepotism and an ensuing pantomime of org-charts and red pens.

Lets cut all this unnecessary crap, the Don has the best way to re-structure a company........ 

Dear Employee,

At a random and unannounced time, the CEO will leave the lift, armed with a basketball.  He will throw this at whomsoever he pleases, if this should touch you, you are redundant.

You may make your best efforts to get out of the way of the ball.

Good luck

Human Resources

This carries some great features:

Everyone will be on edge,  particularly when the lift opens every 20 - 30 seconds, causing the customary stress, high blood-pressure, coronaries etc.   Generally, the cannon fodder sit near the lift and the execs get plenty of warning.  It's more logical, fairer, with more chance of the 'protecteds' copping a rebound.... and the CEO gets to walk the floors interacting with his people.

Oxymoron morons

CANTLIE RECRUITMENT boasts the name...........they are advertising a job listed in Sydney which is based in Canberra.  Erm...that is a lie.

search-tastic

site:www.linkedin.com intitle:linkedin KEYWORDS -intitle:answers -intitle:updated -intitle:blog -intitle:directory -inurl:jobs -inurl:megite.com

Eunuch Coaching & Jedi Mind-tricks

Is there no end to Sophie Robertson's knowledge, check this page - she knows everything. She is the latest in a string of self-appointed experts teaching Jedi Mindtricks to use on the internal recruitment weaklings....yesterday's article on Recruiter Daily includes the below:

ask whether the freeze pertains to permanent or temporary staff, remember to ask about maternity leave, long-service or any other type of prolonged absence, ask how they plan to cope with the increased workload, ask how much money they expect to save, do an analysis, break all costs down, such as ad costs, man hours, phone calls, email time, testing time, cost of testing, interview time, time to negotiate offer, and lack of guarantee. Remind them that if a placement doesn't start or falls off, they have to start again, candidates who come second do not want the job, so the cost just doubles.

Well, I can't wait for this Mac Truck full of questions to trundle down the phone at me.....what do you think internal recruiters actually do Sophie?

The above is most likely to create frustrating and meaningless conversations with inexperienced 457 visa holders who do not wish to return to Lambeth.

And I'm not the only one, in his commendable blog on the poor practices prevailant in the recruitment industry, Toby Marshall highlights Sophie's advice on reverse-marketing candidates......basically say anything required to land a deal.

C'mon Sophie, you shouldn't stick that stuff on record - it is why the industry is viewed so poorly.

Take the rest of the day off and buy a nice frock, here is a self-appointed expert who writes articles on RecruiterDaily who could help you.

someone else who could use a pseudonym

is Dick Gaylord.

Another great reason not to join Social Networks

You can now be subpoenaed and served court documents through Facebook - great. Add that to all the other marvellous forms of discrimination and career-limiting facilities...........it's enough to make you use a stupid pseudonym.

Banging in the deals

A disturbing article in today's Recruiter Daily, somone not called Dreg Cabbage "Autralia's Leading Recruitment Industry Educator and Presenter" offers tactics for shattering candidate's $ expectations. It reassuringly drew a couple of concerned comments. Crapstracts below, note the imaginary conversations.

"When a candidate earning $60k says they expect $75k from their next job,only "loser" consultants accept that figure, he says."

"That is not their salary floor; that is a dream. We're not sellingdreams, we're selling jobs."

"If I was to find you that job; if that job was to come into my office tomorrow morning, you say you're looking for 75, and let's say that jobwas paying 70. I just want to understand, today, before I do anything,that you don't want me to call you about that?" And then shut up.

"Often, he says, the candidate will say, "if it's got all that, then I dowant you to call me". Counter this with: "But you said your minimum's 75. And I'm telling youthe maximum of my client, theoretically, is 70."If the candidate says that for the right job, they'd move for 70k, "

"a great recruiter's not finished there; you'd do it again. the right job with the right this, the right that, and it waspaying 65, 'can I just clarify, once and for all, so we don't waste each other's time, should I call other candidates of mine and not you?'

The reason you do that is so there's a bigger gap, so you can make morematches. That's the business we're in."

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